You miss him, but you’re calm right now. And that’s pretty great.
You feel a little guilty, agreeing to help this one guy with his essay tomorrow. You’re not doing anything wrong, but it does feel a little wrong. Besides, he could not show up tomorrow, which is fine with you, you don’t like him like that. Anyways, just agreeing you’d help him makes you feel a little bad inside.
The days have been going okay, I guess. The nights though, that’s when you think about him the most.
You wonder about him a little bit. How’s he doing?
And you have moments of brief sadness. Like today when you wrote him that postcard for National Poetry Month, the postcard that will not be sent. Oh, gosh you do miss him.
But hey, look at you, you’re on a roll right now.
And he’ll eventually say something.
But you really want him to chase you. If he really loves you, he’ll chase you. He’ll let you know for sure that he loves you.
And fuck it, you don’t have to say anything to him. You’re supposed to be mad, he really fucked up. And while there are moments where you don’t feel mad at all and all you do is miss him, there are moments when you just get so angry at what he’s done. Best to let that out of your system before you talk to him. You have nothing new to say.
You do know that you will eventually just take him back though. My gosh, you really do love that boy.
But whatever you do, you don’t make the first move anymore. You don’t.
Just keep moving forward. Act as if you already walked away. And if he loves you, then he’ll catch up. He’ll catch up.
The Familiar Air of the Nighttime 