Oh, Cecilia?

She closes her eyes and it all comes back to her.

She remembers lying beside him in his bed, asking him to tell her about their future. And he makes up, what she believes is the most colorful depiction about her future, their future. Because it’s not about the books and academics and studying. It’s about getting away and laughing at each other and all the things that they would do together. And being young and living in the moment. And although she doesn’t say it aloud, she laughs. And in that laugh she silently agrees that she loves this imagined world. Where maybe in a few years down the road, maybe they’ll be laying in together in bed, laughing about nothing, just like now. She lays face to face with him, looking into his eyes, as she feels their legs entangle. And she tells him she loves him.

And she opens her eyes and comes back to now. Even though he’s not there, her life is just beginning. She’s nineteen. She’s smart, she’s really smart and she loves learning. She’s not just in school to get a degree and pretend she cares. No, she’s not basic. She’s extraordinary. She’s pretty and she knows it. She’s funny and she has a sense of humor too. And she’s passionate. Damn. is she passionate.  And she’s compassionate too. And she has that energy. The kind you want. And with that all, she knew she was beautiful.

So she went on and her life became amazing, even more amazing than if she fought for him to stay. her life was astounding and she passed him by. And he watched and regretted. So even though, she learned to move on without him, she did so well on her own. Without him to hold her down with the constant ups and downs of being in love and passionate about him, she was able to focus on her. And in that way, she became great.

“Why don’t you tell me that ‘if the girl had been worth having she’d have waited for you’? No, sir, the girl really worth having won’t wait for anybody.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise


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