I was exercising this morning and I was trying to construct how I wanted to message him because at that moment this morning, I really felt like telling him something. After the class ended, I was like ‘why don’t I just call him up’.
So I went over to the spot where I usually make my calls and I dialed him. He didn’t answer the first call, so I tried again. And I was surprised when he picked up and we started to have conversation. We were ourselves, like always. We were sarcastic, we joked, we laughed.
And we just talked about how everything’s been going and it felt really good. I felt like crying. And I don’t know if that was out of sadness because I missed him that much or because I was so happy that he answered. I was really happy that we talked and I told him that. I knew I missed him a lot, but I did not know that talking to him again would actually make me cry. I might’ve actually said that out loud. Knowing me, I probably did. When it comes to him, I don’t feel embarrassed about anything, I really just anything that’s in my head.
We talked a little bit how my classes were going. We talked about how got accepted to the university he applied to. We talked about the classes I was signing up for next semester when I transfer, how he hasn’t been allowed to pick his classes yet. We talked about the tv show we were watching together, what we thought of the last season.
I told him I missed him and he told me he missed me too.
We talked about how yes, we’ve been doing fun things. We did not go into detail; he told me he wanted to be vague about it. (Honestly, I know why: he would’ve told me, I would’ve made up some argument that wouldn’t have made sense and he probably hadn’t done anything wrong to begin with that made for an argument. All he’s been probably been doing is seeing his friends, that are boys and girls, but not anything actually worth arguing about.) To be real though, he can do what he wants, I mean, I can’t stop him and I already know he’s not doing anything weird or fooling with some other girl. The only thing that matters is that he hasn’t moved on.
I asked him if he was seeing anyone. And he made fun of me for how smoothly I made the transition in our conversation to that topic. He told me to calm down. And that’s when I realized I sounded kinda crazy because we just ended our relationship, like really ended it, like a month ago. And I don’t remember the exact words he said, I think he said no, he wasn’t seeing anyone. All I know is in the end of that part of the conversation, I knew that he wasn’t seeing anyone. And I know for sure he said that because I wouldn’t have continued to have such a happy conversation with him afterwards if he had. So no, he is not seeing anyone right now.
We talked about that giraffe I was making him, even thought I have yet to actually tell him it’s a giraffe. At the moment, he knows that it’s a doll that needs eyes, and that the eyes were expensive because of shipping. And he told me no gifts, he wouldn’t accept. And I told him, I think, that he had too. It was really cute. And I made it a big heart.
I asked him if we were still doing that thing at the end of November. At first, he didn’t know what I was talking about, but then he realized what I had meant. And we went back a little and reminisced of how two years ago we agreed we would meet each other at our spot two years from that day, even though we were broken up. And he asked me if I still had that bus transfer where I wrote it down. And we talked abut that for a little. To be honest, I just wasn’t going to show up. But we talked about it a little without saying if we were going to actually do it.
He reminds me that I have to leave to start work. (Earlier on, I told him I was on my way, but I would go late because no one says anything when I show a little late. And I wanted to talk to him, so I would go a little late today). And so I kidded and said ‘oh, I wasn’t sure how I was gonna get him off the phone. And he said I would’ve just kept talking. To be honest, probably. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get myself off the phone. I really missed talking to him and I was so happy that we were talking at that moment. A few minutes past the time I said I was going to talk to, he reminds me that I have to go to work.
I asked if we could see each other and he told me no. He didn’t think we should see each other. I told him I didn’t know when we would have time to see each other. And so I asked when would we see each other and he told me he didn’t know. And so I said I didn’t know either. And so I said please. And he said okay, we would meet on that day we told each other we would meet each other, that day we were agreed two years before. We went over those details again (And I guess I remember the details so well because I look at that bus transfer every once in a while when I’m cleaning through my drawer). He asked me if I could make that day and I said I thought I could. And he told me to call him the day before and remind him, and he thought that I probably would end up calling him anyways to remind him. That day is about two weeks from today. (I am not actually sure if I can go.)
Meanwhile, I am on the other side of the phone, saying ‘I love you, alright’. And he’s still talking. And so I mumble it into the phone again, and he says he can’t hear me, the phone’s breaking up, and he cannot hear me. And so I say ‘I love him, alright’ louder. And he tells me he loves me too. And so I think I say I love him again. And he says he loves me too. And I say bye and he says bye in that voice where he’s trying to be cute and funny at the same time.
It was nice to talk to him and tell him that I missed him and to hear that he missed me too. And it was nice to tell him I love him and to hear him say he loves me too. It was only this morning, but it already feels like I imagined him saying that he loves me too. (And no, it wasn’t a dream, something I made up. He really did say that he loves me too). Anyways, it was really nice.