Two Months: Night 15

Wow, you miss him tonight.

And you think about emailing him or sending him a message or something. But then you stop yourself and remember that he was an asshole the other day. And he’s been lying to you and he’s, well, treating it like it’s nothing. I don’t know, maybe he isn’t, but it kinda feels like he’s treating it like it’s nothing. Like he didn’t just lie to you this entire time about his friends. And then he chooses to not give a real apology.

So yeah, you feel hurt and no, you’re not broken, but you do feel a little heartbroken. He swore on your relationship.  And on top of that, he was wrong at other times too. Like valentines day this year when you two were in a fight fir some reason you don’t remember too well. And he wasn’t talking to you. And he was supposed to be your valentine. And he spent that day buying flowers in Oregon and although he claim he didn’t hand out those flowers to other girls on the street, his friend did because it was his idea, you still feel hurt about that. Like what the fuck, you idiot?

What about that day when you and him were laying on the field of the track and you were both looking at the clouds in the sky? The day you agreed to just be friends but ended up kissing? Is that the way it went again? And you told him you wanted him to propose when you were 23?

What about that day? What about it?

Now you’re just upsetting yourself.

Stop, alright?

I know you’re very in love with that boy, but you can’t spend your nights crying to the keyboard.

Just you know, move forward right now. Pretend you already walked away. And if that boy really loves you he’ll catch up.

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