May Day & the 2nd of May

Because I’m done with that two month thing. And I’m tired of saying that we’re on a break when I pretty much talk to him every day, give or take.

So today, we were good. Had a few arguments and irritations throughout the day, seriously though. Had a serious talk in an empty classroom. He’s seen the friends that he had promised (over a year ago) he wouldn’t see. He’s been seeing them.

And honestly, that bothers the fuck out of you. His friends are fucking girls. Whatever, some of his oldest friends. But one of them was his first girlfriend, Z, and the other one he he liked a lot before you, S. And that bothers you.

No, he said he doesn’t like them. Z doesn’t bother you so much. It’s just that he lied about it that bothers you. S, though, bothers you. He says he doesn’t like her. First off, because S doesn’t live around her. (And then, there’s her religion).

And maybe it shouldn’t bother you that he sees them because he still chooses to love only you, but you know, he lied about it. For over a year.

He says he is tired of the back and forth game of being mad. And to be honest, you’re tired of being mad too/

He says to me yesterday to pick what I want to do. And I say that I love him a lot. And he says he loves me a lot too. And I say that it will take me a while to stop being mad. And he tells me to take all the time I need.

Honestly, I still don’t feel comfortable with the idea of him seeing them. I know they’re only friends and I know that he’s not fucking around. It just bothers the fuck out of me because I am always very jealous and at the moment, I just don’t really trust him. Then again though, here I am yet again, handing him my heart.

He wouldn’t cheat on me, it’s just I’m insecure.

I asked when he’ll introduce me. I think he is unsure how to. And he doesn’t really want to.

I don’t want him to see them to be honest.

And at the moment, I’m wondering what I’m doing with him right now.

Not even gonna lie, I have a lot of things going for me right now and he’s not really one of them.

Maybe I’m just pmsing, but the thought of him just really annoys me.