Crazy, Not That Crazy

And so this evening he texted me and told me not to be mad, but he wasn’t ready to hang out tomorrow.(Go figure).

And so like any slightly crazy ex-girlfriend, I made up a reason why we should see each other. And so I told him this. I told him I was really stressed with school and finals. And that I needed him to be a friend and I wanted someone to talk to without feeling judged. And that I as feeling a little crazy with all this studying. And I said please a few times in between.

And he reluctantly agreed.

And in that moment, I felt like I played my ace.

_______________________________________________________________

To be honest, I am not that stressed, and I do not feel that crazy from all the studying. In fact, after I learned about how we have a week before finals to just relax and study before finals (which I learned from my classmate’s texts last night), I am actually a little less stressed than I was before. In fact, I have a lot of homework and studying still, but I think I’ll be fine. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever go that crazy, to the point of actually admitting I’m going a little crazy with studying. In fact, I rather like studying. It’s calming and nice and it makes my brain feel strong and mathematics feels like acrobatics of the mind.

I do know though that talking to him tomorrow will help me a little though. Frankly, for all my finals weeks in college (well community college) from the last two years, he was there and he was my stress reliever during that time. And well, now, I think seeing him before I go hard with all this studying for the next two weeks would be a nice pick-me-up to get me going.

To be real though, I really want to see him tomorrow. I’ve been looking forward to this all weekend and honestly, I know talking to him and being with him will help me feel easier inside, especially before I start my hardcore study sessions in the library and just any place I can study, where my main company will come in the form of equations and numbers and mathematical theory. So I am a little grateful abut us seeing each other tomorrow.

On other really honest notes, I do not have an aim for winning him over tomorrow. I am still shocked he went on a  date and I kinda wonder with who. And I kinda wonder if there’ll will be a second date and I kinda wonder if there wont be because maybe she was a girl who was poking him on facebook (which by the way, I blocked that girl and another girl, okay I blocked four or five girls on his account) and maybe since I  did that, it stopped whatever was happening there. I don’t even know if I want to know the name of the girl he went on one date with. I don’t even think I want to know when. I don’t really even want to talk about her. Tomorrow, I just intend to forget the past and the present and just be in the moment with him. And to just feel good.

Anyways, I have no real aim for tomorrow, but that’s not stopping me from wearing my prettiest bra and wearing that shirt I know he likes, and fixing myself up pretty tomorrow. Damn, I even have that letter, Letters You Won’t Be Receiving, Eighteen, that I might even read to him if I do decide to put up a fight for him. I have no clue. I just know that I’m kinda happy and relieved that we’re seeing each other tomorrow.

And so who knows, I might put up a fight for him. Or maybe I’ll just focus on being friends, but I think the hard part will come in the form of not being able to kiss him. Or him not being able to kiss me.

For the record though, I’m going to make it interesting tomorrow.

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