Waiting

And so around noon today, I asked him what we were gonna do on Monday. I was kinda excited. Let’s do something really random.

A little while later, almost an hour later I think, he tells me hold on. He’s at work. So I say okay.

And then it’s five o’clock. And I ask him if he’s thought of something we could do? After ten minutes, I said that I wanted to go on a really long walk. And then twenty minutes after, I asked we’re still doing something, right?

Honestly, maybe I’m overreacting and acting way too eager, but I am a little afraid right now. Afraid that he’ll go turn around and change his mind and tell me we cant see each other on Monday. And that feeling, the feeling I’ve been anticipating for the last hour is just so fucking screwed up. Because wow, even though I’m really  mad and upset that he went out on a date, I really wanted to see him and send the day with him and just be with him.

And now I’m afraid that that’s not going to happen. It’s been almost an hour and half since I sent that text about asking if he thought of something. And now I just feel super anxious and I’m trying not to stare at my phone that’s seated right next to me. And I’m hoping we’re gonna see each there on Monday. I was really looking forward to it.

But is this how he treats that new girl he’s talking to?

Now I don’t know if I should hate him or if I should continue loving him or what. Honestly, I feel so torn about all this and I care so much. And I’m afraid and scared. And hurt and angry and in love and I really want to see him.

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