Trying to accept that there are no problems in my relationship

So as we all know by now,  I love my relationship with my boyfriend and honestly, I’m crazy happy with him. Like really, there’s nothing for me to worry about. He realized that he missed me and that he loves me a lot and it’s amazing because I felt the exact same way.

But sometimes it bothers me of all that shit I had to go through those last few months, that waiting period. And yes, I was faithful and I said I would wait, but sometimes, looking back at it makes me feel sad. Like when I read through my old posts and saw on that day he had that conversation with that Halloween girl through text, he told me he didn’t want to talk to me on the phone unless I needed help or I was in danger. On Halloween night when I was at home crocheting him a giraffe just because I felt it, he was at a party getting drunk, making out with some random ho.

Okay, maybe I shouldn’t actually trip because that was one night and then one failed attempt at asking a girl out, but you know, sometimes the thought bothers the crap out of me.

Honestly, I blindly trust that this was the only kind of ‘hook up’ (if we can call ‘hooking up’ the equivalent of making out and feeling up over the clothes) my boyfriend had during our breakup.

And shit, I’m really happy with my boyfriend right now because we slipped back into our old relationship and made it what feels to be a million times better than it was before.

And I guess I’m kinda grateful for that breakup for what it made our relationship now, but I’m still trying to handle and accept and cope and breathe about what happened during our breakup because I feel like I never got time to really heal from that.

Because during that time of him not being sure what he wanted, I was at home knowing exactly what I wanted. And he kept not answering my calls or texts or messages because he was out there trying to be his own person. (LOL) And I was in bed or at the computer crying because I missed him so much, trying to conjure the perfect love letter to make him come back.

So yes, that breakup made us so much better. And he’s saying things like he’s madly in love with me and I got him play-wrestling in the sheets and we do close couple stuff, like go to buffets in the middle of the day, and we cuddle a lot. And it’s so fucking great that I smile to myself out of nowhere because I am so damn happy.

But yeah, sometimes I just think about everything that happened in between. And it brings me a little down.

But maybe I shouldn’t worry about that part because of how happy I am now. And how I guess being apart from me made him realize how he felt. I just need to relax my thoughts because he ended up coming back.

Aside from pointlessly worrying myself over the middle, which is not entirely that big and was pretty pointless to begin with as it doesn’t matter at all, I’m really well. I have nothing to worry about with our relationship at all. Like I have made up worries, but then I realize they’re not real and I begin to understand that him and I have no actual problems because we’re really good right now. And I’m not entirely worried about us transferring to different universities because our relationship is so strong, it’ll just end up working itself out. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so comfortable and strong and stable with our relationship like I do now. Like uggggh, I love him so much. And he’s loving me. And it’s great.

Like damn, we really did need that breakup. And fuck, I’m happy right now. Most importantly, we’re happy right now. So damn, I’m just gonna be happy now.

 

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