That he kissed someone else…

So sure, if I don’t make up problems, I don’t think we’ll ever break up. Really though, if I stop making up problems, we’ll be together for a really long. We’ll probably end up getting married in the long run.

But tonight, I’m very bothered that during our, I’ll say, one and half month break up, he kissed someone else. And they made out. And he felt her up and she probably felt him up. And I’m so bothered by that. And two days later, he asked her to go out and do something.

And of course, the actual story ends there since she had a boyfriend and she didn’t want to really see him, which is why she told him that she needed to study for her finals in the beginning of November and finals aren’t until mid-December.

And yeah, tonight I’m bothered even though we were on a break during that time. Because damn, why does that have to cut into the middle of our story? Like damn, my boyfriend tried to get over me (because I know for sure he wasn’t over me) with her and damn, I should be laughing out loud because his attempt failed pretty badly. And after it failed, he didn’t pursue her or anything. Perhaps that failed attempt even made my boyfriend miss me harder. Or maybe he realized playing the field sucked and that he was making a lot of misses. Perhaps he realized that he loves me very much and that he couldn’t actually stay away. Perhaps he realized he was being stupid and that he would rather be with me than think about me. Perhaps all of this, including the Halloween party story, contributes to how we actually end up back together.

I guess in retrospect it will all become clearer. And I’ll realize that none of this stuff actually mattered. Because all I’ll really remember is that the boy loved me very, very much.

So tonight, I’m kinda obsessing over it. Like I looked her shit up and found that it’s now all inprivate. And I looked her Facebook and her friend’s Instagram up. And I know she’s no threat and she’s irrelevant. And I know that she has nothing to do with my relationship with my boyfriend and me.

And I know that night didn’t change the way my boyfriend loves me because she didn’t mean anything to him. So I shouldn’t really worry about this shit.

Sorry for those reading the same shit that runs through my head. I’m just really trying to forget about this and I’m really trying to forgive my boyfriend for this, even though we were broken up during the time. And I’m trying to make our relationship stronger even though deep down, I already believe it to be strong. I just want to get over this because I love my boyfriend so much. Sure, we’ve been together for a long time, discounting this real breakup. But no, it’s not about how long we’ve been together, it’s how we feel about each other.

I love that boy so much still. And I know he loves me very much too. That’s why he’s still around even after I have my mood swings for no reason. So I just need to breathe and work through this.


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