Being Jealous is Gross

At the moment, I feel sick with comparisons. I literally feel really gross about all the comparing and one-upping that keeps invading my brain. I’m so into competing that I am unsure of why I need to compete at all.

Okay, I looked some people up, more specifically S. And then I saw she was a research assistant at her school. Now I am not too sure why I feel so jealous because I’m a tutor at my school and yeah, I’m a role model in my community. And yeah, she’s may be majoring in Neuroscience, but I’m majoring in Economics. And I think I’m just going to double in Applied Math just because I want to.

You see, I am ongoing with the comparisons. It’s really gross. And my head is swimming. You see, I am into science too. I am also a pre-dental student. So yes, I plan to do lab work in the future, at least when I transfer I think I will volunteer in the lab. And yeah, I volunteer and I’m part of many clubs at school. I’m president of my honor society. And I’m in the process of trying to volunteer at the hospital. And I’m in the process of transferring. Like what the fuck am I doing comparing myself when I know I’m great too?

Because I want to be greater than the girl. That’s why.

Like I guess I’m just jealous because my ex-boyfriend is friends with her and he won’t talk to me. Not that I want to talk to him at the moment, I’m just saying. Anyways, I know I’m smart. And yeah, I looked up her gpa and stuff. And hell, I know I’ smarter than her and all those other girls I keep comparing myself against. So I should really stop because this is getting really unhealthy.

Ha! I don’t even think boys like my ex-boyfriend compare which girl is smarter. Like no contest, he probably knows I’m smarter. And no lie, we’re both pretty in our own ways.

And yeah, I’m transferring to a really big, top tier university. And yeah, the university I’m transferring is much more smarter and prestigious than hers. Like my school’s number one. Anyways, I’m tripping right now. I do big things too. And one day, I’ll be doing even bigger things.

Fuck my ex-boyfriend. Having me compare myself to other girls. Like fuck. This is stupid. I’m a tutor. And I like it very much because it helps people be great too. So no, I can be great and she can be great too. I don’t need to do all this comparing and shit. Besides, he can’t even be with her because of her religion. So in truth, she is not an actual threat to me.

Sorry, for those of you reading this. I’m just trying to sort through my young thoughts. I don’t need to compare myself to other girls. I just need to focus on me. Because I’m a really great girl too. It’s his loss, not mine.

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