Today was alright. Not particularly good or bad. In fact, a little boring.
This morning I woke up to early, either because it was too cold or because I had kinda like terrible anxiety, worrying when was the next time I would ever see my ex-boyfriend. Mind you, we attend school together right now and he doesn’t think we should see each other, but soon we all be transferring and I won’t have any time to see him and he’ll be busy. Actually, I’ll probably just be really busy being away. And I know we agreed we would see each other in about two weeks, but the thought of afterwards, when we would see ach other after transferring, made me feel really worried. I mean, he’s not even worried about seeing me now, and I’m all worried about seeing him later. Well, this thought made me feel a but terrified.
I took a really long walk this morning by myself and in the middle of it, I found a nice bench. And I suppose I called him out of boredom around 8:30. To be honest, I didn’t really have much to talk to him about, I think I just wanted to talk to him to pass the time. I do miss him though.
And I called once. Then twice. On the third time, I think he must’ve shut the phone off. I ended up leaving a message that sounded perhaps a little sad and bored. Telling him, ” Hey, it’s me. I was just passing the time. I wanted to talk to you. Bye”.
Minutes later, I saw my old high school classmate walking up the way with his girlfriend. I was feeling self-conscious, thinking perhaps that they had hear me leave that voicemail. I had actually left that voicemail minutes before they arrived. By the time we had all ran into each other, I was already calling undergraduate admissions multiple times, but no avail, as no one was picking up that line. Anyways, after we all had small talk, I went back to calling and calling the department’s office until I decided to keep walking.
When I was waiting for the bus today, I met with my younger sister, who was sitting with her boyfriend. And she was sitting with him and I was sitting next to her with her backpack in between us. And they were laughing and kissing and the three of us were talking. Meanwhile, I was staring at this other old high school classmate of mine who was standing a ways from us. To be honest, I’m not jealous of my sister and her relationship. It just makes me miss my ex-boyfriend. I also feel like I’m a third wheeler when I’m with my sister and her boyfriend and I feel a little uncomfortable and self-conscious. Today was one of those days.
Aside from my walk, I would say my day was pretty uneventful. Did a few math problems, solved some in a group. I was the only girl trying to solve the problem in a group of five of us. And I felt kinda unneeded as we had all solved the problem at the same time and someone was already in the midst of explaining it. I had a good exercise class today. I learned that some graduate programs pay for you to learn and research. And I also learned a little bit about ballet classes that I keep contemplating if I want to take.
Yesterday, I told him I was going to have a lot of breaks in the day, next semester in my schedule. I said I would have a lot of time to explore. And he asked if I was afraid and then he said something sarcastic about high crime rate (which of course he doesn’t really know about). And to be honest, I was a little afraid before, but I’m more excited than anything else. And I think I am even less afraid because he asked me if I was afraid. Does that make sense? Since he thought I would be afraid, I actually feel less afraid. I’m excited.
I am really excited to transfer. Looking back, I could’ve transferred with him and we would’ve went to school together. But once I got accepted, I thought about how sad it would be to be apart from him, but I also realized where I really wanted to go and it was not the same school he was going to. I was accepted to a big university and the more I thought about it out loud with my family and the more I thought about it with myself, the more I felt that was the decision for me.
Anyways, I went off on a tangent. Today is alright. A little boring, but alright. On Friday the 13th’s of the past, I usually have really great days or really bad days. And today is neither of those.