Putting Myself In Order

Honestly, I’m feeling pretty stressed right now. I feel like I have a lot of stuff to do and I can’t fully figure out what’s so stressful.

I need to: make some fliers, sign up for my classes, fill out a scholarship application

Making Some Fliers: technically, I’m almost done with this. I’m getting some help with this and they should be done by tomorrow night.

Signing Up for Classes: Again, I’m getting some help with this one. And I have a pretty good idea of what I need to. I now just need to figure out why I can’t open up my email, but I already figured out my add date. I’m just thinking about what my third class will be and where I need to enter the code.

Scholarship Application: Not extremely bad. I have to make a resume though.

So today was running smoothly until I saw him when I was trying to run into him. And no real surprise, I ran into him. And while I did kinda think he had dropped the class, it shouldn’t have actually been surprising running into him if that was my purpose there. We passed each other right when I was leaving. It was a little weird.

Later on, I was doing fine, sitting down and reading, when I was like fuck it. I’m just gonna call. So I called a few times. And when I began to think my calls were being screened and forwarded, he answered. Since I didn’t anything at first, I said ‘echo’ because I thought it was a glitch. But then he said hello. And I realized I didn’t have much to say except ‘how are you?’. And he told me if I didn’t need help and if I wasn’t in danger or whatnot, then he was going to go. And so I said it’s been almost a month, it’s been a long time since we talked. And then I asked if he was still there. It was then I realized that he had hung up. Maybe, I tell myself, maybe my earring hit the receiver and I hung up. But hey, he hung up on me. Meanwhile, I noticed this one guy walking near and I begin to feel self-conscious and I pick myself up real quick, like I wasn’t falling apart. I was about to cry a little, when I stopped myself. To calm myself, I just read a few pages of my book and wrote a little bit. After that, I was good.

And of course, being me, this afternoon, I messaged him to say I was sorry. And that I missed him.

Currently though, I am stressed, writing this, procrastinating. I could do the fliers for a little bit, then look through my classes. I just need to breathe and sort it all out. Usually during times like these, I call him and vent and maybe we cuddle some time throughout the week, then I feel better, I feel balanced. But now, I’ve been trying more on my own. And it’s hard. It’s hard.

Well, I’m going to forge through and get shit down now. I miss him, but I have things to do now. I have things to do. I need to keep myself busy to move forward.

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