My day was incredibly busy and full. Now I’m tired. I like my days full, but I don’t really like them too busy. It’s gets a little too hectic and I don’t have anything to balance it out. The only thing balancing me out is the thought of him, and somehow that helps. When I use to be really busy, I use to call him or see him and everything would feel just right, everything just balanced out.
Side note: I called him last night on inprivate. He probably knows it was me. Or maybe he doesn’t know. It was around 10:30 at night and I just wanted to hear his voice. But the call went to voicemail.
Today in class, we went over poetry. And I brought out one of the poems I had once wrote for him. And one of my classmates told me that the poem was beautiful. To be honest, when I did actually give my ex-boyfriend the poem , we were in the middle of some strange argument and he didn’t want to read it. I read it allowed that time, but everyone was too mad to really listen. Honestly though, he should’ve listened. It was a great poem.
So when I left school this afternoon, I had the crazy idea I would write him a book. Maybe not a book, but just a really long love letter. Of all the reasons I love him. And I don’t actually understand the point in this love letter. Is my point to win him back? Or is it to move on? Honestly, I have no clue. But I do know I have the spark to write him a great love letter. Funny enough, I started writing it like an hour ago, I could already name 60 reasons why I loved him. I started thinking about all the reasons just the other day, so I already had ten listed at the back of my mind (i.e. typed on my phone). I was going to give explanations for all the reasons I love him, so this thing is gonna be pretty long.
Some of you will think it’s dumb of me to chase a boy that keeps trying to run. And some of you might think it’s kinda sweet and sad for me to hold to such a fleeting love. And maybe some of you (hopefully) will think I have a lot of courage to go and do what I feel inspired to do, to fight for the boy I love.
And I’m trying not to contact him or call him. And tonight is night 1. And I do intend for this to actually be the start of two weeks. I do want time away from him, like he wants time away from me. And he doesn’t want a relationship with me, and honestly, I don’t know if I want a relationship with him. Maybe I do. And I don’t really want to think about him, but I cannot escape my thoughts of him. How crazy.
So for the next few days and weeks, I’ll be writing him this letter. Wish me luck.