Day Two of Week One: A Lot Better Than Fine

Today’s going by pretty great so far.

I started my day off walking to the track, thinking about him so hard, that I could feel the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. And after running, I felt a lot better.

Yeah, I looked for him this morning.

And sure, I looked up his class a few hours later and peeked through the window twice, thankful that he chose a seat in viewing distance from the door. (I don’t know, but this kinda reminds me a bit of middle school, trying to accidentally run into the boy.) And then I glanced long enough to notice that his hair looked cut. And sure those two guys sitting outside the door may have seen, but hopefully, he didn’t notice me looking at him through the door. I guess it just made me feel a little happier seeing him. I haven’t seen him in two weeks. And just seeing him, you know, brightened me a little.

And then, yeah, later on, an hour later I stopped to tie my shoe, hoping to see him walk down the stairs. And he was walking alone. (So no, there is no girl in his physics class that he’s talking to. Yeah, I was wondering about that).

And maybe he saw me, sitting there, looking over at him as he passed me by. I wasn’t extremely close to where he was walking, but I’m pretty sure he could see me from the angle I was sitting at. And then I saw him, thought about walking after him, but then I went ahead and walked the other way.

Oddly enough, a half hour before that, two acquaintances of mine asked if I wanted to go on a ski trip with them. It started out like this. One of them has a girlfriend, and the other doesn’t. And so we were laughing that the guy would third wheel with the other and his girlfriend. And the guy said he could just bring a friend. And then the guy asked if I wanted to come. The other guy responded with “She’s taken”. Laughter. Then the guy said he was just kidding, as in ‘I know you’re only asking her to come along as a friend’. But then one of them mentioned that I could bring my boyfriend. So If I heard right, they have invited me and my ‘boyfriend’ to the ski trip. Aside from the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend anymore, I don’t think I’d be allowed to go. Plus, I don’t really want to. Anyways, I told them I wasn’t sure if I could go, and then because they asked why, I just asked if I could think about it.

I’m hoping no one left the same time I left. Because then they might have noticed how I was sitting there, tying my shoe, looking over at my ex-boyfriend as he kept walking. I hope no one noticed.

And yeah, I did look up his friends that were girls. And I know that one girl Z is really in love with her boyfriend. And a few weeks ago, I accused him (on a Facebook message that no one responded to) of having his friend Z to stay over his house. (Sure, I kinda made that one up because I saw sheets on the bed in the messy spare room of his house. Anyways, maybe she is or maybe she’s stays with her parents. It really doesn’t matter at this point. She’s really in love with her boyfriend and she seems really set on him. So who cares about my made up worry. If she is staying over at his house though, I’ll be honest. He’s a really good friend. I know nothing weird is happening. Anyways, enough obsessing. It really doesn’t matter. I’m just making this up to think about really hard when I shouldn’t. I’m trying to clean my mind of him and this is throwing me off for no reason except that I’m allowing myself to. And I shouldn’t. So enough.

Aside from that, I’ve been having a really relaxed, yet exciting day. Everything just seems to be going smoothly. And I’m in a great mood. And I just feel at ease.

Look at me. I’m doing just fine without him. Actually, a lot better than fine.

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