So I had a really good day today. Lots of exercise and writing. And honestly, I just felt really good. (Ughhh, I need to find better words than ‘really good’.)
Anyways, yeah I broke some of the numbers on the list. Not all of them, but a pretty good number. I thought about him naked. I continued writing him that long love letter last night that I haven’t touched in about a month. I opened it up yesterday and added more. That letter is gonna be so long. I played songs that reminded me of him. I thought about him a lot today. I looked his friends that were girls up. I looked at his tumblr. I obsessed about that repost on his tumblr, “When y’all really like each other, but cant make it work for shit’. I thought about it really hard all morning. Was it about him and some girl he likes, but they can’t make it work? (So ha! for them). (And to be honest, even if there was, he’s gonna need to go out there and see before he realizes that he regrets leaving you. I mean, come on, you’re really great and amazing. He’s not gonna find someone like you) Or did he think about us when he read that? Or did he just like it just to like it? Or did he think about old crushes from before? Or does it not matter at all and I’ just over-obsessing? Well, I was so consumed with the thought of it, that I told my friend today about it, therefore breaking the number of not talking about him. And then, I went ahead and said how I was just mad/angry about me and him. And how we hung out two weeks ago, but I still feel angry. And to be completely honest, since we did hang out, it makes me think even harder about that post. (Complete side note: The night he reposted that, was the same day I sent him an email, mentioning maybe going to the zoo in two weeks. Maybe that’s relevant?) And here I am again, breaking another number by writing about him.
Anyways, I can be forgiving to myself. Tomorrow’s a new day to try again and move past all this. Today I checked out The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. And the thought of seeing it on the shelf in the library made me happy.
To be very truthful, I have really good days by myself. I don’t really need him to be happy. Yeah I miss him. Screw thinking about what the repost means to him and screw the thought of some other girl. Do you know why? Because it doesn’t matter. Aside from the idea of me making everything up and overreacting, it really doesn’t matter. Maybe we do get back together in time, but that doesn’t matter right now. You really need time away from him and all that negativity you feel when you think about him.
I just need to focus on being me. I need time and space away from him to be my own person. I need space too.
I had a really good today. And I’m going to have so many more of those.