Calling Too Many Times

So today was having it’s ups and downs. In reality though, today was actually having a lot of ups. My two midterms were credit/ no credit. Basically, as long as you showed up and put your name on the paper, the teacher gave you credit for coming to class for the midterm. There were free pastries at school today. And I found out right when I realized I wanted a snack, but didn’t bring any money to school. My writing teacher ended class early today. There was candy where I work. All in all, today was pretty good. I even started the new show, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. And I was all cuddled on the couch by myself. While making some hot chocolate to drink, all I could think was ‘let the good times roll’. Seriously though. I was having a pretty good time.

So yes, today was going well for me. There were some downs, but overall, very good. Very good.

Well, I called him today. A lot. At first I thought, why don’t I call him to have lunch in like two weeks. Then I was like, no, that’s kinda weird. That’s two weeks from now. But then I went ahead and did it anyway at around 8:30. And then I called again and it kept going to voicemail like three times. And I was like, oh no! He blocked me.

But then I called again at 9:30 and I found out that it kept ringing. And I was like, oh, he didn’t block me. My calls are actually going through and he can see I’m calling. And then yeah, I called again around 12:30ish and he didn’t answer. And maybe I called again, one more time around 1 or 2. Or maybe I didn’t. I don’t remember.

Sometimes I call so much, I just delete my call list because I don’t like seeing how many times I call him and how many times he didn’t pick up. So honestly, I don’t remember how many times I called him.

I’m not crazy. I just have the incessant need to call him and hear his voice and see him because you know. I miss him a lot. And maybe two weeks isn’t a long time, but it feels like a long time to me. I haven’t seen him in almost two weeks. And I miss him.

Then like an hour ago, I emailed him. And apologized for calling all those times. I told him that I missed him. That I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know if I wanted friendship or if I wanted him back. I told him I was worried about him being with another girl when I already knew that there was no one else. That he was fine being alone, but I wasn’t. I told him maybe I would ask in two weeks we could have lunch or go to the zoo. I don’t know. I hope that message didn’t make me seem crazy or anything.

And maybe I am pmsing. Or maybe that’s just my excuse for actually having these feelings and crying about him for no reason when I write sometimes. I’m okay now, but sometimes I just overwhelmingly miss him.

I just really want to see him and talk to him and just be. And I miss him being mine. I’m just a girl who misses the boy who left her. And as much as I want to be mad at him and hate, I can’t. I’m too much in love.

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