I was on a roll, like an hour ago…

I was having  great day today. I ran around the track. Got my pumpkin. Bought more yarn. Finally went and bought the sketchbook to practice my drawing.

A few hours later I thought about him, and just the thought of him made me mad. Or maybe not mad, just very annoyed. And so I told myself I was pmsing. I went to be by myself and watched TV in the living room.

Him and I started watching a television series a few weeks ago. And I was on the last season. While watching this afternoon, I thought I had about three or four episodes left. So I felt really taken aback when I realized that I had just finished the finale. And that’s when I missed him.

And I thought, how great would it be to see him right now? I would really like to have lunch with him tomorrow. And so I broke my stride and I called him first (just to check that he hadn’t blocked me). I even gave myself a mini heartache when it said the umber had been disconnected and I realized I dialed the wrong area code. And so I texted him and asked about lunch. And I called one more time to see if the text actually went through.

Then like fifteen minutes passed and I got too eager. And I texted again, saying that I just wanted to see him. I was sorry that I kept calling. I just didn’t know if these were actually sending. Text me back please. And then I called again?

Okay, side note: When I call, I don’t actually mean to talk on the phone. I just want to check that my calls aren’t being screened and that he just doesn’t have me blocked.

I don’t really see my point anymore. I mean, I was doing pretty fine without him. I was pretty set on not talking to him for the next one to two weeks. But I don’t know. Maybe I’m just pmsing. Or maybe I just really miss him.

I know he once said not to panic if he doesn’t text back right away. He told me I should give him about an hour instead of panicking and going off right away. And I know that, especially since I know for sure that he’s at work right now. And I know that if he was any other person, I wouldn’t particularly care when they would text me back.

Maybe it’s best if I don’t see him tomorrow. So who cares if he actually texts back.

And so, with that, I just wrote an email apologizing for breaking the silence, telling him that I missed him, all that. I mean, no lie, I was really proud of myself. I was on a fucking roll. And then I broke it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so upset after watching a season finale. And I know it’s not about the show (it’s a comedy show), I just wanted to talk to him about it. We started watching it together like a month and half ago. Mind you, we weren’t going out anymore.

To think, all that emotion from me happened in like less than an hour. In fact, I am still sitting in that same hour while writing this.

Wow, ths is a really bad time to break the silience. It’s not even two weeks from that Tuesday or Thursday. Plus, I am emotionally unstable right now. I’m pmsing right now for sure.

Yeah, I miss him and his excitement right now, but I am definitely pmsing. I was fine without him. I just need to fucking breathe and relax.

He’s doing fine right now. No, he’s probably not moving on with some other girl. He’s probably just doing his thing with homework, school, work, and friends. Friends. Just friends. No, there is no other girl. Breathe alright.

I was doing fine by myself. Tomorrow I’ll go for a run and relax myself. I’m doing good.

Space, space is good for both of you. Especially you.


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