Today: The Discomforts of Waiting

And we’re not together. And yeah, we do still mess around with each other. And I know, deep down, I can be strong and move on, but I don’t want to.

And I should move on now. And not look back. But it’s proving to be very hard for me. It’s like I am obsessed with checking Facebook now and seeing if he’s messaged me back. For every five times I message him, I get maybe one back. Which is probably a sign that I should step back and seriously stop.

And I know he wants to move on and that I should to, but I keep trying so hard. And he’s just, as much as he knows I should let go, he’s just letting me.

I’m here and I’m talking. And he’s a little there and he’s kinda talking. Telling me I started talking like we were still together, that I need to understand that we’re not.

And to be real, it’s hurting. I know we all love each other and it’s not working. And the other day, the professor said we have 2 months and 10 days left of the semester, which now means I have about that much time to win him over. And that’s wrong. I think I’m going to do it anyway.

And oddly enough, we’re supposed to do something Tuesday, but I keep talking. And I’m kinda ruining but continuously having something to say because I’m too excited over something that might not actually happen. Or maybe it will. Or maybe it won’t. To be honest, I hate feeling like this.

I keep trying to start something up that I’m not sure is there anymore. I don’t think if I’ve lost it, I’m just unsure. Usually I know what to do when this happens, but now I don’t know.

And of course I want us to hang out on Tuesday and do fun things, but I guess that isn’t really up to me. It’s up to him, if he’s going to pick me at the time I asked. But he’s not saying anything back right now and I’m panicking as we can see. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I’m a little upset at the moment. I was really excited about Tuesday. And now I’m not too sure.

Ha! I even tried to mention things that would be exciting to do and that were really out there, like tings I wouldn’t normally suggest. And now I’m just seriously waiting. Hmmm, I don’t really understand why. Maybe I’m bored. I do really like spending time with him. Maybe I’m just confused. Maybe he’s kinda confused too. I mean, if he doesn’t really like being with me and tries to ignore me, why does he always end up agreeing to hang out with me? Maybe we’re all just confused. Maybe it’s wrong or maybe it’s right. I don’t know.

I do know that I really hope he gets back to me and says he’ll pick me up at the time I said. I think he’s really fun. And I enjoy spending time with him.

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