Needless to say, I am down right now. I mean maybe I’m not so depressed as to be able to point out that I am a little bit depressed right now. Calling him up, telling I feel bad because I have my period right now. And then he tells me he has to go and hangs up. Then I go back and message him on Facebook, saying things like how I’m going to leave him alone but why he treating he mean? Then telling him I miss him. I need to leave that boy alone.
I miss him so bad right now and maybe even that’s a little off. I’ll admit we spent time together last week and he told me he didn’t want to get back together. He held me and told me he was sorry. And we cuddled and we laid down and he kissed me and some. And it felt really familiar and nice. And I’ll admit I missed that a lot. When he dropped off, he didn’t want to kiss me. He said we shouldn’t talk for a while. And I don’t know if our time together lessened the sting of heartbreak or if it made it burn ten times deeper.
And it feels so horrible when I call and he doesn’t answer. And it hurts more when I send text messages that get no reply. And when we walk pass and we just walk pass. And all of this is being intensified by my period. And I’m crying right now and I don’t even know where it’s coming from.
Sometimes I worry myself with the thought of him moving on, but then I remind myself we broke up because we kept arguing about nothing. There was no one else. And there still is no one else. He just doesn’t want to talk to me. And I keep making up reasons that he won’t talk to me, like maybe he’s in the middle of moving on, but in truth, I know why he doesn’t want to talk to me. He just doesn’t want to talk to me. And I am in denial about that. He doesn’t want to talk to me. It’s not because there’s someone else. Because there isn’t. He just doesn’t want to talk to me.
We broke up a month ago and I’m still in denial, writing him some epic love letter that, I don’t know, will change his mind. And I’m not going to lie, it’s gonna be a good one. I wonder if Ill have the courage to press send when it comes the time.