Day Ten: Breathing

So the night is going well. Keeping myself busy with doing club stuff and getting ready to transfer schools. I’ve busied myself with housework and reading and exercising. And I’m not going to lie, I feel itchy to look him or any of those other girls up, but I’m not going to. I feel the need to talk to him and bother him a bit and ask how he is, but I’m not going to.

Today I felt a little bothered by an old thought. We were sitting in the library early last year, a few months into our relationship, with our friend M. As he is cleaning out his wallet, he looks at a receipt for Re Robin and I read it, it looked like a bill for two. I start pretend “arguing” with him about the receipt, in part because I loved joking with him and also because M was there and I wanted to tease him. Nothing was weird about the receipt, I mean, damn, he was probably eating with his friends. And maybe he paid for them. I’ll be honest, he is known for paying for like, anyone. Really though. This could have been for anyone of his friends. And during this time in our relationship, everything was kinda perfect. No one was a problem. So no, I do not think of this receipt to make an old thing into a new sort of argument, I was just remembering. Remembering how I use to tease him. And I fully believe that he never cheated on me. So I will stop thinking about this. I will stop reliving old thoughts. I am stopping.

I want to talk to him, but I keep remembering how crazy I acted the last few weeks. I keep realizing that I told him why I didn’t tell my parents about him. I keep thinking about ways I’m going to win him over and I keep thinking about him in general. I keep feeling the need to talk about him, then telling myself not to.

Damn, I miss him. But I will not break and say something. I will give him space for these next few weeks. I obviously need that space too.

I also wonder what will happen if I choose to not go back. Chances are though, I will go back and see what happens next.

Chances are, we probably get back together. I only assume because we have a pretty consistent track record that way. I mean, we break up every time, but we get back together every time too.

We’ll see how this goes. All in all though, I will stick by my plan. I will take this time to calm down.


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