Since writing out my plan yesterday, I have yet to avert from it. So far, I feel on track. I’m not going to bother myself with looking up him or any other one of those girls.
Last night, I had this bad dream where I saw him with another girl, a white girl with dirty blonde hair in a black dress. I guess in my dream it had been some time since we broke up. In my dream, I saw him from a window and they were out on a field. And he was playing some game of football on a field. And when he was on a break, they met on the sidelines of the field and they kissed for a second. Meanwhile, I was in a room with my friend J and we were discussing a project. I was about to tell him about how we broke up when I looked out the window. Perhaps J anticipated this because he said he had heard or knew about the girl already. Then I ran out the room, yelled ‘fuck’ really loudly and ran down and tried to find him?
And when I woke up, it really bothered me. Although I had a really good day today, after school I began to think what if he meets another girl. And then I began to think what if he meets another girl online, like on Omegle. That made me feel weird.
Honestly, I’m probably thinking way too hard about this.
I just need to focus on thinking about myself and what I’m doing instead of thinking about what he’s doing with his time. If we’re meant to be, it’ll happen. I don’t need to rush anything. When we cool down, we’ll talk and everything will be fine again. I just need to breathe and take it all one step at a time.
I had a great day without him. I’m going to let him be. And I’ll talk to him in a few weeks. We’re going to calm down first.