Day Three: The Worries

And so I finished reading a book while wearing my new ballet shoes.

Previous to that though…

He had texted me back saying he was working. But I had already left a long message saying how I didn’t know why I wanted to talk to him or what I wanted to do. I just wanted to sit and be with him.

And so a little while after, I started to worry that maybe he had been cheating on me with someone from work. I remembered that day I had visited him and he told me he didn’t want me to come in (in part because “his boss’s boss was coming in, although I think it was just because he didn’t want me to come in). I had teased him that day that maybe he had a crush on one of his coworkers. And he told me that he didn’t. In the end, a few days later we had an argument (as you can recall) on why didn’t he want me to come inside and visit. And in the end, he said it was because he didn’t want me to walk in because he didn’t want his coworkers to think bad thoughts about me because he just so happens to be close to them and he tells all about our fights and arguments. And they think we don’t work. And I guess what was bothering me now was if he was fooling around with one of them. Regardless, if they knew we were together or not. This thought sickens me so much that I’ve just messaged him right now about it. And I guess it makes it feel even more gross because then I know I can’t ever go back.

Perhaps I say this to scare myself. And I write about it now because the thought was bothering me. And deep down, I know he wasn’t cheating on me. The day after that we made up. And we were fine again until I brought up the calculator. And we all know how that went.

I guess I kind of wanted answers….Although, who’s to say if this will be our last time around? I suppose I just want him to write, no he wasn’t cheating on me. I’m starting to think that him cheating would be the only reason I would ever let him go.

Perhaps we didn’t work out because we both couldn’t take each other seriously. Not that he’s ever cheated, but in the sense that we could never completely follow each other’s directions and rules.

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