Day One: Easing

To be honest, today was alright. I didn’t feel myself, in fact, I just felt kinda off. Maybe it’s my period.

I keep thinking about him. And if this should really be it. I mean, usually we end up talking after a bit. I find him, we sit down and talk. But this time, as I said yesterday, I would’ve give it two weeks. And of course, he said nothing back, but you know, I’m going a tad bit crazy thinking about all the things he’s doing that don’t involve me.

Discounting writing about it, I haven’t told anyone we broke up. I saw his older friend R today and he didn’t ask about him, which made me feel a little relieved. My sister hasn’t asked about him. I haven’t even told my sister and right now, I’m itching a bit to tell her. Honestly though, I’m just going to keep it in and think about it. I don’t think I want anyone’s opinion on what I’m doing right now regarding him.

I just want to dwell on it a little bit. Like if I really want to be with him anymore when he just continuously fucks it all up. Like do I really want to fight for him back? Or should I just stop? I don’t know what I want to do. On one hand, he’s so lively, I can’t get enough.  And on the other, I’ve kinda had enough of him. I’m gonna leave him alone for now. Let us have our space, put us at ease. Reevaluate, think about it.

So I mean, today was okay. I could even say it was relaxing. Exercising, helping people with their homework, more exercise, writing. Came home, had lunch. Checked out the website my sister showed me. It has all the episodes of one of my favorite shows. I finished everything on my list right now. I’m going to start preparing myself on transferring to my big university. When it really comes down to it, everything is great with me.

Maybe I just keep that boy around for the drama. I don’t know. I kinda miss him right now. Then again, I’m really calm too. I just need to breathe and think. Everything is doing really great without him here. It’s always been that way. It’s always been that way. I’ve always been just fine without him.

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