Getting My Space

So I talked to him today just because he messaged me good morning. Wow, isn’t that something? I make it too easy for him.

To be honest, I spent most of my day mad about everything he’s done. Of how he still talked to Z and S. I’m still really mad about the S thing, even though he said he doesn’t like her. Of how he told he liked her when we started, so he stopped talking to her, but then he remained friends with her. I’m just mad at that entire thing.. I’m still mad of how he answered Z’s call. I’m still mad about the A thing. I hate all of them. I’m mad about how he doesn’t tell the complete truth. I’m mad about how I don’t trust him. I’m mad that he keeps putting their friendships over our relationship. I am mad of how he could possibly be lying about not talking to them. I am mad that I keep apologizing over things that aren’t my fault. I am mad that this last almost-break up isn’t even my fault. It’s his. And apparently, it seems to be pointless because we didn’t break up. I’m just mad at everything. He’s so damn stupid.

The truth is, I’m still really mad. Mad to the point of making this break permanent. Also, I’m pmsing, so there’s that too.

And yet, I messaged him back tonight. Even though I old him I wanted to talk all night, he said he didn’t really want to. He said he wanted to talk though about my days. And I told him we would talk at night. He had called me sweet pea. I don’t think he’s ever called me that before, but I liked it. Anyways, night comes and he tells me he only has a half hour left of battery on his phone. He is on the way to have dinner with his mom. And I ask him if he wants to talk. After seeing he’s read my message, but won’t respond, I say he’s probably having other conversations. I say forget it, I don’t want to talk to him either.

He’s nice about it, says he’s helping his mom with directions. I, in turn, say I need space. He asks if I want to hang out tomorrow morning. I say no. Aside from not going to school because I finished already, he didn’t see me last week and all the other weeks when he had the chance. Honestly, I hope he looks for me next week because I’m not even gonna be there. I hope he walks in there to find out that I’m not coming in next week. And he’ll look like a fool.

I told I didn’t want to see him for a while. I said I didn’t really want to talk to him either. Because honestly, I don’t. I’m really tired of him right now. I really am going to leave him alone for awhile after tonight. He never even sent me his fucking schedule.

And then he did send it to me. And it doesn’t have the class I told him to sign up for. And if he has that one class that he does need with Z, I don’t know. I’m gonna make him drop it, even if it is just a coincidence. And now I fucking hate his schedule too.

Maybe he’ll think I’ll call in the morning. Or that I’ll apologize tonight. Or I’ll wait for him in the morning before his class. But I’m not going to do anything.

He asks me why I keep going? Usually I do, but not anymore. I will now do the surprising and unexpected. Nothing.

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