So tonight I began to worry about last summer. Last summer, he told me he ran into A and they talked for a minute and that was all. Last summer I didn’t care about A. Last summer I looked all over her twitter, which I think, used to be open. She had liked one of her coworkers, I think. And if I remember correctly, her and the guy would talk to each other on twitter a little bit. And I think, that’s how I knew not to worry about her. Last summer, I was really worried abut him being friends with Z ans S. Last summer, until we started arguing towards the end for no real reason except for the reasons I made up, my boyfriend and I were really good. I didn’t care about A because there was no reason to worry about her. Anyways, tonight I was also worrying about this post on twitter from last November. Then as I looked over it, I realized it was between A and her friend, and they were teasing each other.
I think I think about things too hard. A was never my concern until about March when he saw her with her friends for her birthday. he went too as her friend to her birthday. And even then, I wasn’t too worried about her because he told me what he did. What makes me feel so concerned is the thing from last month when he slept over her apartment with his friends. Then he walked her to class. And then she had the nerve to put it on twitter that he slept over and that he walked her to class. How stupid. And why didn’t her tell me? He was afraid if he told me, during or after or if I found out myself, he thought I would assume he cheated on me. And then of course I found out, and I thought he cheated on me. And then we had that big fight, where he ran away. And then he admitted everything through email of how they all got high and him and his friends couldn’t drive, so they slept over.
I wish my boyfriend wasn’t such an idiot. And I wish he could tell me the truth all the time instead of answering like a dumbass. I swear, sometimes he can be so fucking stupid, putting himself in fucked up situations and screwing up our relationship just to be friends with some other idiot. Tonight, I say fuck my boyfriend. That’s how I feel about him tonight.
Perhaps I’ll feel better about him in the morning, or maybe the day after, or the day that, or maybe a week from now. But tonight, I really don’t like him.
Aside from his ‘ok’ this morning, he never did get around to sending me his schedule or telling me when the concert is. Now it’s whatever. I’m going to make my schedule without considering his because he has yet again put me to the side. How fucking hard is it to just send me his fucking class schedule on his computer. What a lazy motherfucker. Despite writing this, I still feel mad. And I feel disappointed. I don’t even have the energy tonight to think of him positively.
I’m gonna give it some time. For now, I’ll feel what I feel.