Madness

Right now I am just worrying and overthinking about anything and everything because I cannot keep my mind quiet. So far in the last hour, I have thought about that week in December when it was me and him. I  worried that he talked to Z around that time because she was all upset about her break up with her boyfriend. The more I think about it, this made up worry is really irrelevant to my relationship with my boyfriend. We were having a great time together in December, especially that week. We spent all our time together. I worried about A and how I hated that he visited her and slept over her apartment with his friends.

So I messaged him this morning about schedule. I told him to figure out the date of the concert. I think he has the date wrong. He said okay.

And now I will leave him alone. I won’t talk to him anymore during this break. Talking to him won’t help me anyway. It won’t help me stop being mad. I fucking hate what he did. I hate all those times he fucked up badly.

I don’t know. I just feel really irritated with him. And I feel mad about everything. We have a lot of good times. We have a lot of bad times. During times we were okay or really good, he was being friends with those girls I didn’t want him to be friends with. He was still talking to Z and S and being their friend. He was being friends with A. Phone bills don’t lie.

It’s okay to sit here and be mad at him. There’s nothing wrong with that. He fucked up, he fucked up. It’s okay to still be mad at him for it.

I’m gonna leave him alone now. For the next month, or at least until school starts up again. Then I’ll figure out what I want to do after.

Chances are we get back together and we all love each other. For now though, I’ll be fine on my own.

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