And so I told him I just wanted to have conversation, about anything, with him last night. He told me he had wanted to talk to me too, but he thought we probably shouldn’t really speak to each other right now.
I told him I just wanted to talk to him about our days. He told me, in the most simplest terms, he wanted to talk about sex. And so I agreed, we shouldn’t really talk to each other. We needed some space.
I keep giving myself a headache. I keep thinking about so hard that my head starts to hurt a little bit. I know we need space that’s why I said that. Because if we were talking right now, I’d probably be yelling at him about something he couldn’t fix. Or I’d just be yelling to be yelling in the middle of regular conversation.
I was the one the other day who specifically said we needed our space from each other. To be honest, we should have had a really long break after the actual fight we had in the very beginning of July. But we didn’t have a break, instead we just got right back together a week later.
So right now we do need space. I was the one who said we should.
This morning I was wondering if he had been speaking or seeing Z because she’s going through a hard time with boyfriend. (I only know this because she posts everything on the internet). He told me no.
Honestly, I just worry about this because I think she considers him one of her best friends. And she wants to cry on his shoulder. And I honestly just want him to leave her alone. And so far, he’s been. He even blocked her number from calling his phone because I wanted him to. And I do not trust her. I don’t know if at the height of her vulnerability she will fall in love with my boyfriend. And half the time, I don’t even trust my boyfriend from screwing up. Not that he would cheat on me, I’m just afraid of something really stupid happening, like her falling for him.
I’m still trying to learn how to trust him again instead of being paranoid about just about everything. He’s working on being more honest and showing me everything and telling me what’s happening. I just need to breathe and take it easy. I need to relax.
I guess right now I’m overthinking everything because him and I are not talking. We’re just taking our space, not because we’re fighting. The first day we don’t talk is usually super difficult for me. Like damn, I just want to have conversation with him, but just slight thoughts of things he’s done wrong begin to anger me. And then they simmer and I miss him again.
Anyways, as of the moment, I just feel really fucking annoyed with him. I can think of something he did like over a year ago, years ago actually, and just be mad. Like how in high school, I liked him for a second and he knew. And he didn’t like me. But then again, I didn’t like him too hard, there was someone else I really liked. So currently, I just feel annoyed and a little mad at him tonight.
I bet though by the time I lay down for bed I’m gonna be missing him, wondering what he’s doing. Sometimes I think we’re actually going to get married and everything we talk about when we’re okay is going to happen one day. That boy annoys the fuck out of me and I worry about him all the time, but damn do I love him.
We’re gonna be okay. We need space. I said so the other day. We’re not gonna break up. We love each other. It’s alright.