The Aftermath

What can I say, we got back together? Because we did. I bet we all kind of saw that one coming.

He kept emailing. And I was reading those messages, those texts, those promises. And I was missing him. And so come the next Monday, I said we could see each other.

And we talked. And he kept apologizing. And we talked some more. And in the end, we got up and he pulled me in for a hug and we kissed. And so the week went by and we were really good. Matching outfits, playful conversation, us being us.

But then Sunday came. I told him I was still didn’t feel too comfortable with him.

And then Monday. I got mad at him for answering a call from Z, who was crying about her boyfriend. He had to tell her they couldn’t talk. And so I got mad that he even answered the phone at all.

I think it was this night, I was talking to my sister. Of how I couldn’t really explain why we got back together, of why I took him back. Because I loved him? To be honest, I felt really confused on explaining exactly why. But yeah, we got back together because we love each other.

And then Tuesday night. He told me he couldn’t love me as much as I loved him. He told me I deserved better. And that he thought we should break up.

And so came Wednesday, the day before my birthday. We sat down and we talked. After our regular casual conversation just before actual fights, we began to really talk about it. He told me we acted too much like a married couple. He told me we were too serious, but we only did things at school. He asked me to tone down my love.

I told him maybe we do love the same amount, but maybe I was better at showing it. He told me he couldn’t deal with how much he had hurt me. Of how he didn’t feel sorry for seeing his friends, but that he felt sorry for hurting me.

And yet, in the midst of our real issues, we talked about our future. Of us together, of transferring to university. He was asking me if he should transfer near me.

And in the end, he told me he wanted to break up. And I couldn’t say anything. And he asked me to say something as he held my hand. So I asked him to name the things he loved about our relationship. The conversations, the sex, the laughter. We sat there and we named the things.

And so we put breaking up on pause as we got up and walked hand in hand. Because Thursday.

Thursday. My birthday. After forgetting my present at work the night before, he shows up at the wrong place to meet me. And when he finally meets me, I am upset. After apologizing to me multiple times and telling me happy birthday, we just talk. And we laugh. And we talk about the letter I wrote him with my plan for us. And we talk about my present. And we talk about sex. And we talk about summer. And we laugh a lot. And for a moment, we both worry if we will find someone more interesting when we get older because this is a worry of ours. And still, we talk about getting married. We talk about who’s invited. And we talk about us. When I ask if we’re still going to break up, he says he doesn’t think so. this change in heart is because we talked. We continued sitting there, laughing, him holding me on his lap, as we kissed and made funny videos. And took pictures. And talked about our wedding. And the things we were gonna do.

We said we would talk about our relationship next week. He didn’t think we were going to break up anymore. Because he said he couldn’t think of doing anything without me. I think it’s because of our conversations. Of our talks. Of the talk of us being in the bedroom. Of our laughter and how nice it feels to be together when we aren’t arguing.

And so we agree to not talk this weekend. Because he says we need space. He says that I said we needed space of how I wrote it in my letter. And so we agree and we kiss. And we say we love each other.

Tonight, I missed him (after one day of not seeing him). And so we will talk tonight about anything.

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