Day Four: Part Five

And so as it goes, he tells me he’s not coming.

And so it goes, I say he has to. He has to say it to my face. We have to shake hands. We need to talk now. He’s needs to step up instead if hiding. I’m having hard time coping. I say it all. And I tell him to prepare what he has to say. I’ll be waiting anyways. And I will be waiting.

I’ve been thinking about this since this morning.

I’m gonna do it and were gonna sit down and have that talk I wanted. And we”re gonna talk it through and become friends, or at least be okay. I don’t know, but were gonna talk. I’m gonna see him and we’re finally gonna talk about it.

I feel like he doesn’t want to talk about how he broke up with me. He’s sensitive about it. And maybe he’s afraid to talk to  me, like he thinks I might pull him back in and convince him to stay. Maybe he’ll see me cry and hug me and get confused. Or maybe he doesn’t trust himself and he’ll realize that he made a mistake. Or maybe he’s not sure what he’s doing right now, he’s confused about it. Because he can’t still be mad, he broke up with me. I just don’t understand why we cant sit down and talk. He must not trust his actions when we’re alone.

And so I’ll be sitting outside his class, waiting for him to show. That or I’ll just knock on his door in the morning. I guess I’ll decide in the moment.

Let’s hope I don’t knock on his door before 8 in the morning. That’d be crazy. Or not. It would be different though.

Yeah, I’d rather just wait for him in front of his class. That’s a little less crazy.

To be honest, I have no real idea what I’m doing.

I guess in my mind, the first step in winning him over, is first talking  to him about it and understanding. And then build it back from the bottom.

I am no quitter. And I will not give up on this relationship.

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