Well I broke my promise.
I looked through A’s tumblr and saw this post from the middle of May. In may, he wrote this joke about ice cream. Me and him were challenging each other in who could make a better joke. And he made his about ice cream. And now I see she commented about getting ice cream when she came back. He didn’t say anything back.
And I don’t think they ever did get ice cream I knew him and A were friends and that they texted, but i guess seeing this comment made me feel upset. And unsettled. Not that he did anything wrong or that he cheated on me or anything crazy, but i hated the idea of A being with him this summer. Buddies or not, I pretty much hate the idea of him hanging out with any girl that isn’t me. So i texted him at 12:44 in the morning out of impulse.
I said hello? I said maybe hes still sleeping. And then I said maybe we could talk sometime. I miss him a lot.
Thinking about now, maybe i shouldn’t have texted him. Or called him up once. I mean, in the back of my mind, I’m still pretty mad about everything and now I’m pretty mad about the comment A made. Not because he did something wrong, but because he didn’t tell me. Then again, how would he have told me if he didn’t think that he was doing anything wrong.
I should stop going through other girls shit. It just makes me paranoid and uncomfortable and upset and anxious and worried that hes moving on.
I’m going to be honest, I know he loves me. And I’ll be honest again, when I say he doesn’t want to talk to me right now.
I should leave it alone. I should leave him alone. I should leave them girls alone. But im crazy about him right now, and i want to continue fighting for him. Even if its wrong. And if all fails, ill just blame on on being young and in love. Everyone knows how that feels.
I want to say if we don’t make up before my birthday, I should give up. If we don’t make up before my birthday, I’m going to move on. I was gonna grow up either way. But I don’t know though.