Right now

Well today I am frustrated.

Yesterday night after he agreed we could talk, he changed his mind that night and told me he didn’t want to talk. He would tell me when he was ready to talk. And then I said honey, take your time. I love you. And I asked if he loved me too. And he told he never told me he didn’t. And so I said he never said he did. And so he told me he loves me.

And now, I told him to take his time. He doesn’t want to talk me. I’m guessing because he keeps getting mad at me for getting mad at him.

Early Saturday morning, I had sent him this long letter. And it was nice. It was a nice letter. And I told him that I would be patient for him. And that I didn’t doubt that we would get back together.

To be real, I know this isn’t the end between us.

There was a worry yesterday that he breaks up with me every time S comes home from college. But then I realized that wasn’t an accurate statement because I break up with him too. More times than him. And so that statement isn’t accurate.

Plus, when we do get back together, come some time from now, that worry wouldn’t even make sense at all.

Anyways, sometimes I worry that he’s seen his friends, Z and S. And that makes me feel weird too. And it’s not that he likes them, although sometimes I suspect S, it’s just I don’t know, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Because I just don’t want him to. Because I don’t like him hanging out with other girls, even if they are just friends.

Right now, I’m trying to figure out how him and I are going to fall back together because the other night was my fault.

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