Day One, Step 2.

And I spent the rest of the day suffering from the same headache. Either it’s too hot or i just keep thinking about him too hard. And no, it’s not actually that hot. I just miss him and I feel like it’s all my fault.

I knocked on his door today. And his brother, who’s never met me, answered the door. After telling me that he wasn’t there, that he probably left for work (although I know he didn’t start for another 5 hours), he told me to text him.

And then I walked away from his house in defeat.

So now, here I am, back on the computer after spending my day trying to work off my feelings through exercise.

I am sitting here, worrying if he’s seen any of them (D, S, or Z). And he probably has, maybe not just today, but maybe the other days of this week. Which feels like a pain in the ass because I thought he was doing really well this week.

And now, I am upset again because I see he has blocked me on Facebook, which now leaves me to email and text. Because he just keeps forwarding my calls. So now we are back to the long emails. And the occasional text.

I’m not gonna lie, every time we break up, it feels a little but like the end of the world. And even though I seem fine, I’m kind of dying inside.

And here we are only on day one. I know tomorrow will be better, but I hate this. I think we get the point already that I’m really in love with that boy. And right now he’s really sick of me because I keep putting him down.

And I have no idea who I’m more mad at, him or myself.

I feel like I’ll be writing a lot tonight. I feel really sad.

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