Overthinking my thoughts

So how did the day actually go?

I sat there and studies while occasionally looking up to see if I could see him, which I didn’t.

I decided to go to the library like I had planned to study for my English assignment.

And I found him in there with his friend Alex. And I went in there and studied too. At first, he seemed a little mad that I was in there and then after a few minutes, he lightened up.

Anyways, it was going good. It was the three of us. There was this one part where I think he was teasing me and I leaned over and patted his hand to stop. Which now that I think about it seems kind of odd. Like I hope it didn’t come off as pathetic. Which I don’t really think it did because at the same time I was saying stop, he was telling me he was proud of me, but I chose to do it. Gosh, secretly, I hope his friend doesn’t think I’m a loser because I reached over and told him to stop. I think I’m being too self-conscious though. Fuck what his friend thinks.

So it was going pretty good. I was stressing and he was talking to me. And we seemed pretty happy. And it was all fine.

Then his friend left to study. And then it was the two of us for ten minutes. And we were laughing about something.

I don’t think his friend was in there during this part, I think he had left the room already. Like I don’t think his friend was there anymore because I don’t think I would have called him a motherfucker if that were the case. Or maybe I would have. I don’t know. I don’t think his was in there anymore. He asked me if I was looking for him earlier. I said yes. And he told me he thought he had seen me sitting there earlier. (Yeah, that motherfucker didn’t walk up). And I think I called him a motherfucker after that.

So we talked for a bit. And he told me about the girl he friended on Facebook. Yeah, it’s the same girl I know. Yeah, she knows about us. She’s known about us. And I told him I was about to have him unfriend her. But now I’m not. At first I said something him not making friends, but then he said he would still be friend s with her in real life even if he did unfriend her. Anyways, this girl is not a threat. (Yes, I realize this is actually a problem. He better not be close friends with this girl, or S, or Z. We’ll talk about that later though).

He said he wasn’t mad at me. He just doesn’t want to talk all the time. Okay.

So I told him let’s talk about nonsense for ten minutes. So he said let’s talk for five because he had to go to his final. And we talked about the importance of coming to important events, like graduation. (Which he is coming to. Gosh, if he wasn’t, I was afraid I was going to have to break up with him). And so we jumped to other important events, like graduation from grad school, or going in to labor, or getting a new job. He was trying to say that if the person was with you and supported you through the entire course leading to that night, did they really have to show up.  The point was yeah, he should be there.

And he was like was that the nonsense I wanted. Okay, well yeah I guess it was. And at first, I felt a little taken aback because secretly I’m hoping that this isn’t all nonsense we’re talking. I really do hope we make it that far. And we go through all those phases together. Of course, I didn’t say that out loud though. At least, I don’t think I did. I do hope that we end up doing it all. I love him a lot. We just have a lot of shit to work on.


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