Things that were bothering me today
1. A line he had said like a long time ago, spanning almost six months to a year ago
“S or Z could see me any time they want because they have a car. But they don’t”. He said something like that before, a long time ago. And perhaps tht line was very true. This was during a conversation about them and how I didn’t like them.
I know shes no threat, but I don’t like her. I assume that number where they didn’t say who they were and just said wrong number was her. It sounded like her voice and she seemed very, i don’t know, guarded. So yeah, i know that third number was her for sure.
Ii mean, after we broke up the first time, he called her and they talked for some time. He told me after i asked that he talks to S and Z about how he feels when he doesn’t want to tell the guys. I don’t think he likes her or liked her during our time together, but yeah, i don’t like her either. Because he liked her before me. And then he stopped talking to her because he liked me. And then we started out and he just stopped liking her.
4. S and Z
I don’t think hes talking to them right now but there were times before when we were ok when he was talking to them, as I found out. I want to say he’s not talking to them because we seriously just talked about them two weeks ago. Pretty much a week ago.And i mention them occasionally in between and this fool should know by now whats up. I feel like we need to have another talk though. And he needs to prove this all to me if he really loves me. I know they’re all just his friends, but fuck their friendship. They’re unknowingly ruining our relationship and hes ruining it by lying abbout them. So yeah, hes gonna have to prove it somehow this summer.
Its like I want to have a talk about them, but then it will escalate into a fight because i will say something mean, saying that i never forgave him. And then he’ll be mad at me for saying that and we’ll probably break up or ignore one another. And he’ll get upset and talk to them and then a few days later i’ll say something. And he’ll say lets not talk about the other day.
Honestly though, we should talk and he should prove that i can trust him.
5. Fighting for our relationship
Sometimes I think I’m the only one keeping us together, but then I pan out and remember sometimes I fight for our relationship and sometimes he fights for our relationship.
And in the end, we end up together each time. So I have no idea what I’m worrying about. That I put in more effort. Actually it’s hard to say in terms of this. Because sometimes I fight for him to stay, but he does the same thing with me. He’s patient with my indecisiveness. And every time I screw up, he really just forgets and doesn’t hold it against me months later.
6. That fight from that other Monday
A lot of mean things were said because he was mad and wanted to hurt me. And I knew he was mad and I was mad too. And we were all hella mad. Yeah, he shouldn’t have been talking all that shit. He probably felt stupid after he said all that shit. Because I knew that he still loved me. And we ended up sitting on the couch at his house anyways. And we made up later anyways.
7. How busy we’re gonna be next week