Attachment

Today was fair I guess.

He said I was being an asshole. He was also being an asshole.

I saw him this morning and I followed him to class. He told me I was bothering him and then he said he was going to class and he said that loved me and I walked away, deflated.

After not answering my calls and my texts, I found him sitting in front of his class and he knew we were going to talk. He told me he wanted space because I talk to him all the time. he says if he’s not at school, he’s at work. And if he’s not, he’s with me. For the most part, that’s all true. And he says when he’s at work or school, he’s worrying about stuff that isn’t real (I think that’ what he said), I guess pertaining to us.

And he said I was bothering him and I was like he’s bothering me by not saying anything. And he said I was being an asshole and that I was acting like a jerk as we were sitting in front of his psychology class. He said I wasn’t letting him go to class. Which I wasn’t because I needed to tell him this was bothering me. And this fucker chooses to have this conversation in front of the fucking classroom. Idiot. And I said he was bothering me by not talking to me. And he told me he wanted space. And I was getting all upset because he was acting like a fucking jerk for not answering my calls. And he said I suddenly stopped talking yesterday. yeah, because he said I talk too much. And he said if I stop talking, we could end this (argument). But then I said the same thing again, and when I said that out loud it kind of sounded like I meant our relationship. Well, at least that’s how I felt.

I don’t know exactly what happens after that. I think I still feel mad. And he asks what will end the argument. He asks if sorry will help. So he says he is sorry. And he wants to know how we can end this argument. And I ask him if he wants to something tomorrow. And he tilts his head back and hits it against the wall, and says no he doesn’t want to hang out today. And I repeat myself and say tomorrow. And he says not today, but tomorrow, he would love to do something tomorrow.

Somewhere in the midst of the entire conversation, the way we talk makes it seem like the entire problem was a bit of a joke. Him wanting space, me not giving him space.

And so he says he’s going to go to class. And he offers to shake my hand and kiss me. But I say his lip hurts and he tells me it does hurt, but he’ll risk it.  i guess he means he’ll risk his lip hurting to kiss me.

And so I say no. I tell him I’m going to make this last longer than it’s supposed to be, meaning I was going to make this problem last a little longer. As I walked away, I told him I wasn’t going to talk to him for a week.

And he laughed and said I was stupid, not like in the sarcastic, mean way, but more like the incredulous , you’re-funny kind of way.

And to be honest, that annoys me too.

So where does that leave me right now? I actually just messaged him.

To be honest, this problem is a mixture of me being too attached to him and him being a fucking asshole.

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