Falling Into Place

Well I’m definitely pmsing right now.

This morning I started worrying, wondering if he had fooled around during our break. And my conclusion and beliefs are still the same, I never thought and I never believed he did. He didn’t.

Then we were messaging each other. He told me he just wanted to go home and ended up having to do errands. Okay then. When it came to this morning, I no longer felt mad at him. I woke up, remembering that I was mad and realized I didn’t want to be mad at him. I wanted to just talk to him and ask how he was. All was well there. We talked for a bit until I realized I didn’t have much to say.

Afterwards I started worrying about last month. And how it all started to simmer down with the anger, especially after I called him up and went over his house and he held me. And we ended up in bed, laughing. And it seems after that, everything seemed to fall into place there. I made that move. And it all worked out. And it made me feel really good about us and where we were going in terms of our relationship. We were going forward.The week after, we talked about everything and we decided to stop with the break.

Later on today, for a few hours, I started getting mad about how he saw his friends and how he lied about S and Z. And that started getting me mad. And then I remembered we talked about them on Monday and how he’s not talking to them. And how he didn’t even wish S a happy birthday. To be honest, I should stop worrying about them. He only loves me. That I know for sure.

While pmsing, I think I begin to worry too much about made up things and old things. I just start making up things to worry myself over. And in the end, talking things through with myself and writing about make me feel a whole lot better. It makes me feel more sane. I mean I’m not sitting over here going crazy, I just feel so much better.

So how him and I are: We’re doing pretty good. In truth, aside from yesterday’s slip, I think it’s fine right now. We talk more. We spend more time together. It’s going good.

I keep forgetting how I well I did last month. So many good things happened. Scholarships, acceptance, graduation coming up, my relationship with my boyfriend. I keep pmsing and forgetting that everything is going great.

In the end, I was walking around the university today and I was thinking about how it will all go so fast, the next two years. And how it can’t just be all about studying, you have to live your life too. And that’s how I feel when I’m when with him. It feels like life.

And I thought about how our time will pass us by during these years of studying. And how he’s going to be right there next to me, even if we won’t attend the same school. He’s going to be there right alongside me. And I’m going to be right alongside him. And one day all of this, all this nonsense and drama we make up with each other, will just be an early phase of our relationship.

So what if this happens. Or what if that happens. The only things that will matter is that we made it through and that we love each other.

That’s all that matters.

He better hold on to me tightly. I’m going to hold on to him as tightly as I can.

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