Letters You Won’t be Receiving, eleven

Hey honey,

What are you doing tonight?

I’m sitting here, typing my heart out because I am feeling down. Will you hold me come tomorrow?

Of course, I can answer that. Of course not, because I won’t be talking to you tomorrow.

Right now I am a little mad at you for ignoring me today for no real reason, leaving the classroom without saying anything to me. What the hell was that?

Right now I am mad at you for the things you did not yet do. I am mad that you will still choose to go to her birthday even though I feel uncomfortable. I am mad that you will still wish your other friend S a happy birthday on Friday even though I don’t want you to be friends with her. I am mad that since I said let’s not talk, you probably will not talk to me. I am mad that you will not say happy 18 months on Friday. I am mad that you will not mention doing something on Friday because of this. I am mad that you don’t already know if you’re working on Friday.

Yes, I am more mad about the things you’re about to do than I am mad at you for ignoring me today. And today, you made me look a fucking tag-along. You fucking asshole.

But I am more mad at what you did not yet do.

I am frustrated at the thought of it.

Well you know how this goes…

I love you still. So much, too much.

And right now, I’m angry with you. And I’m tired. No, I’m not tired of us. I’m just feeling tired.

I wish you thought more about how your choices affect the way I feel about us.

And I know right now, this, like everything else, is a phase so I shouldn’t get too hung up over it. Come next week, we’ll probably just end up loving each other like these last few days didn’t happen.

Anyways, I love you. Goodnight. Be safe now.

I hope you’re thinking about me too.

Tomorrow will be a better day. And we’ll make better choices. And we’ll feel better about each other. For now though, we have space.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s