What are you doing tonight?
I’m sitting here, typing my heart out because I am feeling down. Will you hold me come tomorrow?
Of course, I can answer that. Of course not, because I won’t be talking to you tomorrow.
Right now I am a little mad at you for ignoring me today for no real reason, leaving the classroom without saying anything to me. What the hell was that?
Right now I am mad at you for the things you did not yet do. I am mad that you will still choose to go to her birthday even though I feel uncomfortable. I am mad that you will still wish your other friend S a happy birthday on Friday even though I don’t want you to be friends with her. I am mad that since I said let’s not talk, you probably will not talk to me. I am mad that you will not say happy 18 months on Friday. I am mad that you will not mention doing something on Friday because of this. I am mad that you don’t already know if you’re working on Friday.
Yes, I am more mad about the things you’re about to do than I am mad at you for ignoring me today. And today, you made me look a fucking tag-along. You fucking asshole.
But I am more mad at what you did not yet do.
I am frustrated at the thought of it.
Well you know how this goes…
I love you still. So much, too much.
And right now, I’m angry with you. And I’m tired. No, I’m not tired of us. I’m just feeling tired.
I wish you thought more about how your choices affect the way I feel about us.
And I know right now, this, like everything else, is a phase so I shouldn’t get too hung up over it. Come next week, we’ll probably just end up loving each other like these last few days didn’t happen.
Anyways, I love you. Goodnight. Be safe now.
I hope you’re thinking about me too.
Tomorrow will be a better day. And we’ll make better choices. And we’ll feel better about each other. For now though, we have space.