Two Months: Day 25

You’re still excited about being accepted.

Also, you’re paranoid like a motherfucker.

Last night, you started getting paranoid about the idea of him cheating on you if you both went to different schools. Also, just the idea of him cheating on you right now scares you. You believe he wouldn’t do that to you, but he tasted different the other day, and that could be for any number of reasons (mouthwash, his different soap, your lip balm). But just the thought scares you.

You realized, a few hours ago, that since he lied to you about being friends with them, he probably also saw them. And the thought of that slightly angers you. But not as much as it did before.

You are unsure of whether you should talk to him about your transfer decisions because you don’t really want him to have a heavy influence on what you pick. You remember about how you talked him backing out on studying abroad, how you told him not to go to Spain, creating a three hour argument, that resulted in him not planning to go to Spain. You don’t want to look at him and realize that you don’t want to leave him to go to another school that will take all your time because of commuting. What if you chose to go to the school that was closer so you could be with him? Then you don’t get to attend the big school. And you don’t want to make your decision based on that, not fully based off the the boy you loved, the boy that’s been lying to you. Don’t get me wrong now, but he didn’t cheat, but he fucking lied.

You texted him and asked him to talk Monday because you were paranoid and all, but perhaps it’s best if you kept to yourself to make a decision.

He means a lot to you, but I don’t know.

You have all these big plans and you are a bit unsure if you should include him.

You told him last night not to reply to your email. You love him so much. You told him to remember that.

Perhaps it’s best you two don’t actually talk for the next month.


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