Two Months: Night 20

It’s going alright. No lie, you miss that boy. And you miss kissing him and laughing with him and talking to him about nothing.

To think, when you all saw each other in January and you talked in February, he said he still wanted to be with you and how he did want to get back together, but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want to. So you all became like friends with benefits, even though you two slipped into being in a relationship that you didn’t want to label as a relationship because you were all hurt about January. And so it goes.

Now you’re sitting here, in the middle of this break with him, trying to justify to yourself that flirting with O or just being friendly with him isn’t all that wrong. Come on now, it is pretty wrong. You should stop that.

Anyways, you miss him because that’s your excitement right there. He’s your excitement. Damn, you miss him.

But no, you will not tell him. Because you cannot stand not receiving a message in return saying that he also misses you. So you’ll just voice your feelings on here.

Damn him.

Well, this is you being you right here. Wondering what in the hell he’s doing right now. Maybe getting off work, walking to the bus, or getting a ride. Looking at his phone, checking out his tumblr. Maybe he texts one of them, asking them how they’re doing. Whatever he’s doing, he definitely not wondering about you. If he was, he’d be saying something to you right now. That’s right, so stop fooling yourself.

Move forward. Just keep moving. Maybe one day he’ll stop being an idiot and chase you and make up for all that time he missed out on.

Fuck, you’re so in love with him. And you love him so fucking much, too damn much.

And yet, contradictory to what you fucking said, you email him asking how he is. That you’re sorry.

That isn’t right. You need to stop.

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