Letters You won’t be receiving, seven

Dear you,

I miss you honey. Of course, you must know all about that already. I miss you, I miss you like crazy. If this were any other day, any other night, this would be the night where I would keep talking to you. You would know that I’m pmsing like a motherfucker. I’d tell you I wasn’t feeling okay.Of how I want to throw things because I’m mad at you, but how I want to kiss you so badly. And how I wish you could hold me tonight, even though I would know you couldn’t because we can’t do stuff like that. But I would still tell you. And then after telling you that I missed you after one day of not seeing you, I’d write you some long ass email about how I love you and how I’m afraid. Maybe if you were still mad, you’d say I need to grow up. Or you’d say you miss me too and that you were also afraid.

Of course, if this were any other night, come Monday, you would hold me, tight.

Wow, I miss you right now. And I’m so fucking upset and mad about everything you’ve done, but wow, I’d love for you to hold me together right now. Oh, I love you. Standing here, crying to the keyboard. Where in the fuck are you right now? Don’t you love me? So why in the hell is this happening? Why are we crumbling? This is all your fault. I broke up with you, but this is all your fault. You should have just told the truth all the time and deleted the messages. Had you always told the truth, I know now that I would still love you, no less than I do now.

I don;t want to play the blame game anymore though. If this were the real thing, if I was sending you this, this would be the message where I would throw the white flag and tell you I can’t stand waiting, I love you. Why in the fuck would I call on such a break? Why can’t we just go on and love each other blissfully with no edges? I’d tell you, even though you were an idiot all this time, I forgive you. And that past is past and let’s forget and move forward. I accept, I accept it all now let’s move on to our next phase. Don’t you understand how much I love you?

Of course you don’t. What’s your damn problem?

But gosh, can’t you tell I’m going a little crazy right now.

Damn, I fucking love you.

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