Two Months: Day 7, Part 4

Well, a few hours passed since you wrote. How do you feel now?

I guess you feel pretty fine right now. A little while ago, you were walking and it was feeling cold, and all you think about was how nice it would be to drink soup and cuddle with him. But hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves this time. The last time cuddling was done, everyone felt a little confused. Because that was supposed to be a break I think and you two were about to break up and then suddenly you guys were cuddling in bed and confused about how that all went so fast.

So no. No cuddling will be done for a while. Oh, and when you say cuddling, you really just mean cuddling right now. Feeling his arms wrapped around on the couch or laying under the covers would feel so nice right now.

Anyways, you’re still a little mad that he cannot transfer with you. I mean, he probably could, but he won’t have all his pre-reqs to get that degree he wants. And part of that has to do with you two, having him miss accounting so you all can argue about nothing. And because he always has a problem saying no, he always relents. And then he misses class and doesn’t know how to regain himself and ends up dropping the course. And part of that is your fault, you guess. Had he told you he wanted to stay another semester and that friend of his wasn’t here, you would feel fine about it. In fact, you would probably insist upon it. And say that you two would find a way. But right now, you feel jealous and a little angry inside about that. Because your pessimistic side says he stays to be with her, even though you know he only loves you. Anyways, that thought endlessly annoys you. Even though it makes sense for him to stay. Besides, it’s one semester, he thinks you two will be together and he’ll transfer in the spring. (He better).

Anyways you miss right now. And you kinda wonder what he’s doing right now as the rain falls.

Maybe he’s just in the living room, playing video games, or maybe he’s out, getting ready for work. Hmmmm, you miss him.

Uggggggh, you can’t talk to him though because you’re supposed to be mad that he lied to you for a year. You’re supposed to be mad, damn it. You probably couldn’t stay ma at him for too long. And now you’re sitting here, expelling your thoughts more than your feelings because well, in truth, you’d rather be talking to him than typing away on here.

But you told him you two should continue not talking. Because, ahem, you’re supposed to be all mad and furious, which in truth, only comes in spurts. And now while being mad about that, you’re also worried about why he’s staying and not transferring with you, even though there’s a perfectly good explanation why he should stay. But you’re just so fucking jealous.

Maybe it is a good idea that you two shouldn’t talk. Imagine all that dumb yelling and making out and yelling and arguing and circles and making out, leaving everyone feeling a little dissatisfied because it is then realized that there was no point in arguing and missing class. Because once the kissing starts and the laughing begins, no one really cared about the argument. Why do we even fight if we love each other? What a waste of time.

So for now, you’ll just leave that boy alone.

Look at all this reassurance and reinforcement you have to give yourself to not talk to him. Crazy.

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