Not knowing

We don’t know if this is what we’ll want. I can say that I only want to love him, only him, but at the same time, I don’t know what I want. He can say he only loves me, but he doesn’t know what he wants.

And he doesn’t want to talk to me because he thinks we’ll end up kissing and holding hands and avoiding the problem. That’s all true. That’s all true.

But damn him, I miss him so much right now. To the point I’d probably do whatever to make it okay. Even though, I didn’t do anything wrong to begin with. I’d probably just tell him it was okay.

But I won’t give in just yet. Because I don’t know right now.

I don’t want to let him go. He’s mine, damn it. And I’m his. But I’m confused too. I’m mad and I love him. But what side of him will I choose to remember in my heart, the side I hate or the side I love?

I don’t know.

I called on this break. I did. So I could think about it.

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