Letters you won’t be receiving, three

Hey honey,

Why must you be the one to receive all the letters? What is that, two in one day?

I know I was mean the other night. And I’m sorry. I know you’re wrong right  now, but that was wrong of me last night.

Ugggggh, I miss you so much right now. So, so much. I’ve never not talked to you for such a long period of time.

Do you want to do this anymore? Do you want us to work out? Do you want to be my adventure anymore?

I know I can’t be with you late nights. I can’t be with you every day of the week. I can’t introduce you, yet. I can’t do so many things, yet.

I know I’m almost 20.

I know I can’t do these things right now, but don’t you know I want to. I want to do everything. And want you to be right beside me. Wow, I wish you felt the same way.

I wish you would say something to me right now. Say anything.

Say you’re mad, say you’re angry, say you love me, say you don’t know about us, but whatever you say, don’t say you don’t want to this anymore.

That’s why we’re having this break. So we can figure out what we want without completely letting go.

Wow, I wish this wasn’t happening right now and we went to that tour today together. And that we held hands and saw everything we’ve been planning for. Damn, I miss you.

I saw you Friday, but damn I miss you and the feel of your fingers interlaced with mine.

Do you know how hard it is to not say anything to you? To not turn and say something? To not stare at you, sitting behind me, to make sure I didn’t miss something? To not message you?

I’d say it was easy, to provide some sort of comical relief. But actually it’s hard as fuck. That’s why I just continuously blog. Because all these thoughts, all these thoughts, I want to tell you about them. I want to tell you all my feelings, like I always do. And I want you to hold me as I run my mouth. But I’m afraid right now. I’m scared your calling this off. I’m so scared honey. I’m so scared that we won’t work out.

Fuck, I thought you were my best friend and I was yours. Maybe I am? I hope I am.

I miss you. I miss you so much.

But I think I’m not going to say anything to you for a very long time, so you can really think about what you’re doing. And if you do, you’ll know not to let me go. And I can think about what I’m doing.

Honestly, I hope you find these letters.I mean, they’re yours. And I have no idea how you’ll find them.

But maybe after we end up together, in the long run, years from now, I’ll show them to you.

I love you. And while I’m laying in bed, loving you in my heart, I hope you’re doing the same with me.

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