Two months: day 3

To be honest, you don’t know how to feel. Thinking about him felt kinda wrong.

You woke up remembering he was in your dream.You saw him in your dream. He stopped you by touching your hair and you looked ver at him. And you walked for a by with him and he said ‘nobody asked about you’. He had actually told you that the other day,it was just repeated in your dream. So you woke up this morning, not feeling sad, but empty.

Right now you feel pretty down, like you don’t think you want to talk to him. You don’t really think you want to go back. I mean you know ya only day 3, but you kinda hate him right now. And you do feel empty. Not like no purpose, never ending sadness, empty pit kinda empty, just empty. Like someone took a little piece of your joy. Because even though he made you so mad, he was just a piece of your happiness and you loved that.

And now you occasionally look up as if you’re thinking, but really you casually glance around because you hope you run into him.

But maybe not this morning.

And the sun’s breaking down so brightly and all you can do us obsess over your feelings for this boy.

Fuck, I mean I low you love him and you miss him and all that. But is he doing the same thing for you right now. Is he calling you up apologizing, saying he misses you? Is he looking for you in all the places? Is he wondering about you, thinking about what your doing? No. To be honest, he probably woke up late after spending a good part if the early night texting one of them friends he lied to you about for a whole fucking year. Maybe he talked about you once, but that was it. The rest was all jokes and ‘what are doing now?’. So no he wasn’t up late last night, ruminating through thoughts of you. So stop thinking that he was.

Maybe after a few days, if he never runs back for you within that time, maybe you’ll just never look back anymore.

Secretly that thought scares you.

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