Two months: Day One, Part 4

You have no idea what you’re doing. Here you are, angry that that boy lied to you for all that time. All that damn time.

And he wanted to call it off because he didn’t want to choose between you and them. Or at least, he didn’t want to choose just you. No. He just wanted you to be the only one he loves. But he wanted to have friends. He said he didn’t want chances. He fucked up too many times.

And you, foolishly in love and attached to him, said no. You love him still. You want a break. But you don’t want to call it off. You’ll learn to forgive and accept with this time apart. That’s what you said.

And it took a lot of ‘I love yous’ and ‘pleases’ and ‘nos’ on your part to hold you all together when he was the one who fucked up.

And now you ask yourself, ‘what am I doing?’.

The truth is you’re not too sure.

You know, with some honesty, that it won’t actually take you two months to simmer down. Because after two months, you’ll feel extremely calm about the situation. But right now it all just stings. I mean, you just watched a comedy show and the episode was about lying and it made you feel bothered.

And what you’re most hurt about right now, not Z, not A, but S.

That shit really hurt you.

And you hate that. You hate that. You hate that.

He knows you do. He knows he fucked up. And now he wants to give up. Just like he does with everything.

But you love that boy. And even though you, yourself, have some backwards ass logic about everything, even though he feels like giving up because he fucked up, you’re not going to give up on him

You’re not going to give up on him because you love him. You love him.

Writing everything down, or rather typing everything down, just made you feel a whole lot better 🙂

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