You saw him today. He was working. You passed by several times, remembering times just like this when you were younger and you were trying to get the attention of a different boy years ago.
And at that last moment, you think you made eye contact as you went up the escalator. And it felt rather long even though it was only a few seconds. And with that, you felt very sad.
You know, it’s alright to feel sad. You love him, but what he did wasn’t okay. And you’re sitting here and flashes of what he did burst into your mind and it angers you once again. And it weighs you down. The thought of it feels so heavy from time to time. It’s only been a few days since you’ve known, but it keeps hitting you.
And part of you feels like maybe its not over. Because you love him so much that this brief week without him makes you feel lost. And you feel like forgiving and accepting friendship because you miss him so much. Life’s already feeling bland without him. The future feels dull and boring and straightforward without him.
But how much do you love him?
Enough to sacrifice your self-respect and pride?
I suppose what scares you is either the belief you are making the best decision of your life or, the worst.